no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
