did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
