yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Best friends brother. Beat that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My vagina is officially offended.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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