dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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