He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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