I could make wine with my vomit
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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