Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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