So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
