I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
