I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
