Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
