I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
