i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Panties = found
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
