I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
