I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
