I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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