What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
