Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
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