I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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