i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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