Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Blood and glitter go together right?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
