1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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