Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
