Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
