my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
