Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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