i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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