She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
