Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We left an ass print on the piano.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
