I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
