my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
