cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
