I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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