Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
