I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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