yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
