I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
