I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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