did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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