Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
