dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
