Don't make out with my wife yet
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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