I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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