Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
