pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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