I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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