I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
