Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
