I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
