Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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